Dear People magazine,
Thanks for doing what you do. You are the New York Times of celebrity gossip magazines. You treat the material you cover with the appropriate gravity and consideration. I'm glad that someone is taking this stuff seriously. It is important to me to know who looked better in the same outfit and to know what celebrities do in their free time! Moreover, it is essential that I know how to get celebrity looks for less!
Lately, you have also become the premiere forum for celebrities to debut their sexual orientation and their newborns. People who have come out in People include: Neil Patrick Harris, TR Knight, and Lance Bass. All important members of our community. Children who have made their debuts in People include: Shiloh, the Dempsey twins, Tiger Woods' kid, and pretty much every other celebrity kid whose parents are willing/honored to put their newborns in a magazine of your caliber.
Finally, you attempt to rise above your lot in life by providing the general public with opinions on books and movies (which we skip over). You even appeal to the common man by writing about real-life heroes and everyday success stories (which we skip over). But I appreciate the thought. You also don't usually make up stories like USweekly and Star. Keep up the good work!
Your #1 Fan