So, apparently things haven't been going your way lately. The whole cocaine, alcohol, arrest thing must be getting you down. Well, I hope this letter cheers you up!!!
I think you did a superduper job in The Parent Trap back when you were 10 or 8 or 12 (I can't really tell how old you were, but I think it was an even number). You were very convincing and you did a great British accent. Kudos to you, Lindsay! It's a shame that you had to peak at such a young age, but I guess once you do the best remake of the best movie ever, there's only one place to go... down. So I guess that's where you are now... down. Maybe you'll get another remake, or another Tina Fey movie! Or maybe a movie where you get to play two characters! Whatever it is, stay off the coke and booze and I'm sure you'll do a great job!
Your #1 fan