Dear Formal Leotards...

Dear Formal Leotards,

This may seem like an odd letter, but after watching gymnastics on TV last weekend I have a new appreciation for you. The thing is, how can a leotard ever be formal?? You're not wearing pants! Yet, by putting long sleeves on, even though one is wearing the equivalent of a bathing suit, it is somehow now formal. Absolutely amazing. Often times, I too don't want to wear pants to work. Usually I solve this problem by wearing a skirt. Wouldn't it be awesome if a long-sleeved shirt was an acceptable substitute?! Alas, it is not. The power of the long sleeves only applies to the gymnast (and sometimes to the ice skater). Sure, long-sleeved button down shirts are more formal than the short-sleeved shirts, but both still require nice pants on the bottom. So, Formal Leotards, I just wanted to say how impressed I am in how you harnessed the strength of the long-sleeves; others have tried, but none have been as successful as you.

Sincerely,
Your #1 fan

Dear Spam (e-mail, not food product)...

Dear Spam (e-mail, not food product),

I don't really like you, but for a brief moment I thought you were pretty clever. You see, I took a moment to glance at my Spam mailbox for my Gmail account and scrolled through the 20 or so e-mails that had accumulated over the last week. All were very obviously spam, except for one. There was a spam message sent from my name. Now, I forward e-mail from different accounts to my Gmail and I also send myself messages, so I always have messages from myself in my inbox. Clever, I thought, you're really making an effort to get me to read these e-mails. Then I realized, NO, NOT CLEVER, I send all the e-mails to myself, I know which ones they are and when I sent them. Random spam with my name on them is a stupid idea because I obviously know whether or not it is from me! Stop that. Stop all the spam, no one likes you, you go to a special place where people don't even see you. Ever. And stop using my name, it just annoys me.

Sincerely,
Your #1 fan (briefly)