Sunday, September 30, 2007

Dear Letter Jackets...

Dear Letter Jackets,

I know you go by many names... Letter Jacket, Letterman Jacket, Varsity Jacket... and that you come in many forms... felt jackets, felt jackets with leather sleeves, sweaters (as per the last scene of Grease)... All of this adds to your mystery; this strange quality that makes you an often-elusive, transient being in the lives of American teenagers. You are highly desired by many 13-18 year olds, yet only the academically/athletically/musically high-achieving students have the honor of your company. But then, as fast as you come into their lives, you are gone. You are sentenced to a back corner of the closet... alone. The moment a high school student graduates is the moment that you are no longer a coveted possession. Instead, you are merely a symbol of past adolescent prowess... of days gone by. But I want you to know, Letter Jackets, that you deserve to be worn again! Not only are you expensive, but you are a perfectly functional mid-weight jacket that would round out any wardrobe. Sure, your colors may be a bit bold and your two tone structure somewhat antiquated, but no one deserves to be relegated to the back of the closet when he has so much life left in him. I appreciate your service and to this date, 10 years after my high school graduation, I still wear you proudly. (well, not really... everyone would make fun of me... but I wish I could... I really wish I could)

Keep on truckin!
Your #1 fan

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Dear Roger Federer...

Dear Roger Federer,

Seriously, Roger, does it get any better??? Four consecutive U.S. Opens, 12 Grand Slam titles, and a fan letter from me!!!

Watching you play is like poetry in motion. Your tennis is effortless and you make everyone else seem like a hack. Unless they beat you. In which case, they seem masterful. And you do it all without sleeveless shirts, on-court dramatics, and short pants. It is a pleasure watching you play. Thank you.

Your #1 fan

Dear Heelys...

Dear Heelys,

I saw you this weekend at the grocery store. There was a kid rolling his way down the gently sloped parking lot to the car. I watched him go all the way down the hill, admiring how cool he looked and secretly hoping he'd hit a pebble or pot hole so I could see him trip. Not that I wanted the kid to get hurt, but it seemed unfair that I had to walk and he got to glide.

Reasons why I think you're great:
1. You defy the laws of English grammar... why aren't you Heelies? or Heely's? Oh, I know. It's because you're awesome.
2. Although I think you are hazardous to the health of anyone over 4 feet tall, I still want a pair.
3. Your promise FAME. Yes, FAME. Right there on your main page you list the things that members of your skate team will receive. First on that list is FAME.
4. "Freedom is a wheel in your sole"... ummm... just the best motto for a sneaker/skate ever!!! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I read it. And it makes me think that there is someone very clever and sarcastic working on your team.
5. Even though you only offer child sizes, you categorize your shoes into men's and women's.

Freedom is in my sole!
Your #1 fan

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Dear Air Mattresses...

Dear Air Mattresses,

I think I might have slept on you once in middle school at a sleepover, but I don't really remember how that first meeting went. For the last week, however, you and I have been hanging out every night, and I must say, I'm very impressed! You inflate yourself, and you even come in the "elevated" variety so that I'm more than 6 inches off the floor when laying down! But, this has its ups and its downs. Mostly downs for me, since I have fallen off of you a few times. Twice in my sleep and a couple times while sitting on the edge. I don't blame you, I know it's my own fault for being an edge-of-bed sleeper, and I should know better than to try and sleep/sit on the edge of something squishy. And you think I'd learn, but I don't. Anyways, you are far preferable to sleeping on the floor or on a couch, and I think you would be way fun in a pool or at the beach!

Thanks for everything!
Your #1 fan