Dear Spam (e-mail, not food product),
I don't really like you, but for a brief moment I thought you were pretty clever. You see, I took a moment to glance at my Spam mailbox for my Gmail account and scrolled through the 20 or so e-mails that had accumulated over the last week. All were very obviously spam, except for one. There was a spam message sent from my name. Now, I forward e-mail from different accounts to my Gmail and I also send myself messages, so I always have messages from myself in my inbox. Clever, I thought, you're really making an effort to get me to read these e-mails. Then I realized, NO, NOT CLEVER, I send all the e-mails to myself, I know which ones they are and when I sent them. Random spam with my name on them is a stupid idea because I obviously know whether or not it is from me! Stop that. Stop all the spam, no one likes you, you go to a special place where people don't even see you. Ever. And stop using my name, it just annoys me.
Your #1 fan (briefly)