tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73501245857099579842024-02-20T09:43:21.355-06:00I'm Your Biggest Fan!#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-1502377656802112412008-01-16T23:41:00.000-06:002008-01-16T23:46:03.032-06:00Dear John Mayer...Dear John Mayer,<br /><br />I read your <a href="http://www.johnmayer.com/blog#2024">post</a> about Jessica Simpson and her perceived bad-luck-bringing ways in the eyes of the Dallas Cowboys fans.<br />Isn't it weird that Jessica's defining characteristic is that she's a Texan? I know. I think so too. But it was nice of you to stick up for her and gain a Wednesday's worth of ambivalent press.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-84196313703447482562007-12-28T14:18:00.000-06:002007-12-28T14:38:21.947-06:00Dear Chris Jessie (AKA Mack Brown's Stepson)...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-PezYkbEA2kqcpg1f6ENzx4kEuJYtr9EGkODDotXbP6RsyYBJIecmwMK-u9pGmuiIrwLOY8q3DdclXpkt7M9vmS_FGb8GtzLzKMPChCoJkhPjvyMbVcqEhmT7QIKKw-pTo3wnJZrZj_4/s1600-h/holiday2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-PezYkbEA2kqcpg1f6ENzx4kEuJYtr9EGkODDotXbP6RsyYBJIecmwMK-u9pGmuiIrwLOY8q3DdclXpkt7M9vmS_FGb8GtzLzKMPChCoJkhPjvyMbVcqEhmT7QIKKw-pTo3wnJZrZj_4/s320/holiday2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5149125436773651522" /></a><br /><center><font size = "1">oopsie!</font></center><br /><br />Dear Chris Jessie (AKA Mack Brown's Stepson),<br /><br />Before yesterday's game, no one knew who you were. Maybe... maybe some people knew you as Mack Brown's Stepson. But now, you are your own man. I mean, yeah, you shouldn't have touched the football... or pretended to touch the football... or stepped out onto the field... or been close enough to the field to even think about touching it. And really, you're a member of Mack's "staff"? But, whatever. You're FAMOUS now, Chris Jessie! Congratulations!!!<br /><br />Hook 'em horns!<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-58299266279258745232007-11-24T07:37:00.000-06:002007-11-24T21:44:45.714-06:00Dear Matt Damon...Dear Matt Damon,<br /><br />Congratulations on being named the <a href="http://www.people.com/people/package/gallery/0,,20154290_20159879,00.html">sexiest man alive</a>! I'm not sure what kind of selection process you were forced to go through, but I can only assume it was a rigorous test of your sexiness and manliness. There was probably some sort of weed-out exam administered by the Sexiness Testing Service. But, Matt, I know that those three years of Harvard came in handy in earning that smokin' sexiness aptitude score and compiling your no-doubt impressive CV. Your personal statement must have been right on the money with your combination of wit, sincerity, and sexy. And I'm sure your letters of recommendation from Brad and George carried a lot of weight. I'm glad you were able to make it through the hellish process and finally achieve your goals! So congratulations, Matt Damon, you earned this!!!!<br /><br />Oh... wait... there was no application process? No CV? No grueling interviews where you have to sit there and look both sexy and manly at the same time? There were just some folks from People magazine who decided to pick you because your movies are successful and the ladies seem to like you? Even better! Congrats!!!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-15246310016125962832007-10-14T23:21:00.000-05:002007-10-14T23:35:18.528-05:00Dear Formal Leotards...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivRA2fmhoFSuaaT7VBceKXU3iTXnAiBwZ9DRrit0V5QPmU7V7-eFDeX6TDGVKh69NZSgw2DUH_kj989KwjUp1Z016L3U-avE3t5XUYzLXvymRP4zo78ZYxDYqGhYERa_dwAY9LCXNHfVU/s1600-h/RettonMphoto56KS.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivRA2fmhoFSuaaT7VBceKXU3iTXnAiBwZ9DRrit0V5QPmU7V7-eFDeX6TDGVKh69NZSgw2DUH_kj989KwjUp1Z016L3U-avE3t5XUYzLXvymRP4zo78ZYxDYqGhYERa_dwAY9LCXNHfVU/s320/RettonMphoto56KS.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5121416938763487458" /></a><br />Dear Formal Leotards,<br /><br />This may seem like an odd letter, but after watching gymnastics on TV last weekend I have a new appreciation for you. The thing is, how can a leotard ever be formal?? You're not wearing pants! Yet, by putting long sleeves on, even though one is wearing the equivalent of a bathing suit, it is somehow now formal. Absolutely amazing. Often times, I too don't want to wear pants to work. Usually I solve this problem by wearing a skirt. Wouldn't it be awesome if a long-sleeved shirt was an acceptable substitute?! Alas, it is not. The power of the long sleeves only applies to the gymnast (and sometimes to the ice skater). Sure, long-sleeved button down shirts are more formal than the short-sleeved shirts, but both still require nice pants on the bottom. So, Formal Leotards, I just wanted to say how impressed I am in how you harnessed the strength of the long-sleeves; others have tried, but none have been as successful as you.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-68060105632515405372007-10-07T09:22:00.001-05:002007-10-07T09:29:11.962-05:00Dear Spam (e-mail, not food product)...Dear Spam (e-mail, not food product),<br /><br />I don't really like you, but for a brief moment I thought you were pretty clever. You see, I took a moment to glance at my Spam mailbox for my Gmail account and scrolled through the 20 or so e-mails that had accumulated over the last week. All were very obviously spam, except for one. There was a spam message sent from my name. Now, I forward e-mail from different accounts to my Gmail and I also send myself messages, so I always have messages from myself in my inbox. Clever, I thought, you're really making an effort to get me to read these e-mails. Then I realized, NO, NOT CLEVER, I send all the e-mails to myself, I know which ones they are and when I sent them. Random spam with my name on them is a stupid idea because I obviously know whether or not it is from me! Stop that. Stop all the spam, no one likes you, you go to a special place where people don't even see you. Ever. And stop using my name, it just annoys me.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan (briefly)#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-62295408400342150292007-09-30T23:25:00.000-05:002007-10-01T06:51:45.836-05:00Dear Letter Jackets...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw2Mtutaajnr7m59WaAwFhlSD_A4HNQMTYWEurYgcxhMQtvm51e8Ex7ZgqniyxUa7Mz1eQyDaEBze1mHDqTU0Cl6rqov0_63Hx7qaN7WsUSBnAM2O8OnbWpFF-uinwZ25GfqkrzFEjkg8/s1600-h/letterJackets.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw2Mtutaajnr7m59WaAwFhlSD_A4HNQMTYWEurYgcxhMQtvm51e8Ex7ZgqniyxUa7Mz1eQyDaEBze1mHDqTU0Cl6rqov0_63Hx7qaN7WsUSBnAM2O8OnbWpFF-uinwZ25GfqkrzFEjkg8/s320/letterJackets.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5116225182296082642" /></a><br />Dear Letter Jackets,<br /><br />I know you go by many names... Letter Jacket, Letterman Jacket, Varsity Jacket... and that you come in many forms... felt jackets, felt jackets with leather sleeves, sweaters (as per the last scene of Grease)... All of this adds to your mystery; this strange quality that makes you an often-elusive, transient being in the lives of American teenagers. You are highly desired by many 13-18 year olds, yet only the academically/athletically/musically high-achieving students have the honor of your company. But then, as fast as you come into their lives, you are gone. You are sentenced to a back corner of the closet... alone. The moment a high school student graduates is the moment that you are no longer a coveted possession. Instead, you are merely a symbol of past adolescent prowess... of days gone by. But I want you to know, Letter Jackets, that you deserve to be worn again! Not only are you expensive, but you are a perfectly functional mid-weight jacket that would round out any wardrobe. Sure, your colors may be a bit bold and your two tone structure somewhat antiquated, but no one deserves to be relegated to the back of the closet when he has so much life left in him. I appreciate your service and to this date, 10 years after my high school graduation, I still wear you proudly. (well, not really... everyone would make fun of me... but I wish I could... I really wish I could)<br /><br />Keep on truckin!<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-78591286491795402902007-09-09T21:17:00.000-05:002007-09-09T21:24:40.553-05:00Dear Roger Federer...Dear Roger Federer,<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiSfRY3SxAXjtTb7oELCxQSVOC9iT26eg-B6qNpIcEgGpM37Ahot8pJCdsu1ZBx8frj-lKdD3tBmchcLzhqH82o-B1pyOx8ygA5vXhcnCuSzNki5ndb5RdFPFCx4C9oPLIeT9tZsoDjWk/s1600-h/0709_usopen_w_6901.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiiSfRY3SxAXjtTb7oELCxQSVOC9iT26eg-B6qNpIcEgGpM37Ahot8pJCdsu1ZBx8frj-lKdD3tBmchcLzhqH82o-B1pyOx8ygA5vXhcnCuSzNki5ndb5RdFPFCx4C9oPLIeT9tZsoDjWk/s320/0709_usopen_w_6901.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5108395491413832754" /></a><br />Seriously, Roger, does it get any better??? Four consecutive U.S. Opens, 12 Grand Slam titles, and a fan letter from me!!!<br /><br />Watching you play is like poetry in motion. Your tennis is effortless and you make everyone else seem like a hack. Unless they beat you. In which case, they seem masterful. And you do it all without sleeveless shirts, on-court dramatics, and short pants. It is a pleasure watching you play. Thank you.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-73143593867643758682007-09-09T20:36:00.000-05:002007-09-09T21:31:01.825-05:00Dear Heelys...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_6AuizjgUrDLPG9skvvfTIG1n1EAiUdFZzajn32ciSl9yAzAUsj4GRK8j7dwBM_kptR3X-aZQTjbmnEP6BBQPmxoNbXoUfgAz2HjpCA-CePrM_dLOHDAwmzZU1hG-_3xOKcTScI2o5ds/s1600-h/cyclone-7221-side-web.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_6AuizjgUrDLPG9skvvfTIG1n1EAiUdFZzajn32ciSl9yAzAUsj4GRK8j7dwBM_kptR3X-aZQTjbmnEP6BBQPmxoNbXoUfgAz2HjpCA-CePrM_dLOHDAwmzZU1hG-_3xOKcTScI2o5ds/s320/cyclone-7221-side-web.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5108393524318811170" /></a><br />Dear <a href="http://www.heelys.com/index.htm">Heelys</a>,<br /><br />I saw you this weekend at the grocery store. There was a kid rolling his way down the gently sloped parking lot to the car. I watched him go all the way down the hill, admiring how cool he looked and secretly hoping he'd hit a pebble or pot hole so I could see him trip. Not that I wanted the kid to get hurt, but it seemed unfair that I had to <i>walk</i> and he got to <i>glide</i>.<br /><br />Reasons why I think you're great:<br />1. You defy the laws of English grammar... why aren't you Heelies? or Heely's? Oh, I know. It's because you're awesome.<br />2. Although I think you are hazardous to the health of anyone over 4 feet tall, I still want a pair.<br />3. Your promise <a href="http://www.heelys.com/index.htm">FAME</a>. Yes, <a href="http://www.heelys.com/index.htm">FAME</a>. Right there on your main page you list the things that members of your skate team will receive. First on that list is <a href="http://www.heelys.com/index.htm">FAME</a>. <br />4. "Freedom is a wheel in your sole"... ummm... just the best motto for a sneaker/skate ever!!! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I read it. And it makes me think that there is someone very clever and sarcastic working on your team.<br />5. Even though you only offer <i>child</i> sizes, you categorize your shoes into <i>men's</i> and <i>women's</i>.<br /><br />Freedom is in my sole!<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-37085937878180444432007-09-02T21:17:00.000-05:002007-09-02T21:31:29.597-05:00Dear Air Mattresses...Dear Air Mattresses,<br /><br />I think I might have slept on you once in middle school at a sleepover, but I don't really remember how that first meeting went. For the last week, however, you and I have been hanging out every night, and I must say, I'm very impressed! You inflate yourself, and you even come in the "elevated" variety so that I'm more than 6 inches off the floor when laying down! But, this has its ups and its downs. Mostly downs for me, since I have fallen off of you a few times. Twice in my sleep and a couple times while sitting on the edge. I don't blame you, I know it's my own fault for being an edge-of-bed sleeper, and I should know better than to try and sleep/sit on the edge of something squishy. And you think I'd learn, but I don't. Anyways, you are far preferable to sleeping on the floor or on a couch, and I think you would be way fun in a pool or at the beach!<br /><br />Thanks for everything!<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-70304094929834103962007-08-28T19:52:00.001-05:002007-09-02T21:33:43.598-05:00Dear Central Time Zone...Dear Central Time Zone,<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeXwdLp-GCXM4q28X0p5xfIdlB3vZ2K2fJ9qDy-5nzrJrIt-7gavufigNRreHxD-amI6dy0PAzRU45KikhwM3aM35Dfnedm2rwgQ-2ZcRBZGbBr-e1_xxmP1UntYHGkRXOy2u_w3FPCV0/s1600-h/timezone.gif"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeXwdLp-GCXM4q28X0p5xfIdlB3vZ2K2fJ9qDy-5nzrJrIt-7gavufigNRreHxD-amI6dy0PAzRU45KikhwM3aM35Dfnedm2rwgQ-2ZcRBZGbBr-e1_xxmP1UntYHGkRXOy2u_w3FPCV0/s320/timezone.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5103920981599958034" /></a><br /><br />Growing up in the Eastern Time Zone, I was always kind of annoyed that TV stations would waste my time advertising for shows that were on at 10/9 central or such. I always thought that TV stations should understand that everything revolves around the Eastern Time Zone and automatically subtract that one hour. After moving to your area, Central Time Zone, I was reminded of how lame you are on New Year's Eve when we had to watch the ball drop in Times Square that was recorded an hour earlier! Boo!<br /><br />Well, CTZ, it took some time, but I soon came to love that all the TV shows were on an hour earlier. I love my sleep, but I also love Conan, and when I am with you, CTZ, I can have both. I even like it that they say 10/9 central, so that we too can know what time shows will air without having to subtract 1.<br /><br />Now, years later, I am in the ETZ again, and it is rocking my world. All the shows are on too late. I get sleepy and have to miss them. But really what I'm missing is you, CTZ. Can't wait to see you again!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-31541932790321412692007-08-28T19:41:00.001-05:002007-08-28T19:51:36.288-05:00Dear Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkTlDs-X3wYoyxo5ofMt2Cl2qmadGC1IxjSfE0ylahi933bpnbF7ksip_CvQN-2h4lQ_tUn3CbQVpRscsWgkFM80cLeVZY_Q10-zHWS42GNCtr-d8OyAgypASb10GLMN-hJSnypJkkgVU/s1600-h/images.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkTlDs-X3wYoyxo5ofMt2Cl2qmadGC1IxjSfE0ylahi933bpnbF7ksip_CvQN-2h4lQ_tUn3CbQVpRscsWgkFM80cLeVZY_Q10-zHWS42GNCtr-d8OyAgypASb10GLMN-hJSnypJkkgVU/s320/images.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5103918353079972866" /></a><br /><br />Dear Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey,<br /><br />I've always appreciated your combination of rhyme and alliteration. Furthermore, you have helped me remember a key fact in life, and this is true no matter which hemisphere you are in. I don't remember when I first learned about you... I think it was sometime in elementary school, after I learned how to read, but before I started changing light bulbs. Anyways, the reason I thought of you is that I am currently staying in an apartment which dares to defy you. It's true! All the faucets are Righty Loosey, Lefty Tighty! There is nothing magical about that saying! I want you to know that you are sorely missed, and to commemorate your absence, I wrote a little rhyme for you... I hope you like it! If right is not tight, it's wrong! <br /><br />Righting wrongs,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-89444153904038974472007-08-13T21:07:00.000-05:002007-08-13T21:13:59.601-05:00Dear Matt Damon...Dear Matt Damon,<br /><br />I saw the Bourne Ultimatum yesterday and it reminded me why I like you. Nope, not because of your acting, which is fine, it's great, more than great... you're famous because you're an actor. But <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuYD2cwMbpw">this</a> is why I like you... because you're clever.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-71846190036069952682007-08-13T19:16:00.000-05:002007-08-13T19:28:53.186-05:00Dear Tay Zonday...Dear Tay Zonday,<br /><br />So, like 4.5 million other people, I've seen your <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwTZ2xpQwpA&mode=related&search=">videos</a> on YouTube. Yes, chocolate rain is profound, weird, and hilarious. Yes, you take breaths away from the microphone. And yes, your video looks like it is from the 80s. But those have all been played out in many blogs and through many <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kr42ZXpmwH0">chocolate rain imitations</a>. What I want to discuss is your <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJjsedg3JGs">live performance on Jimmy Kimmel</a>. Two things impressed me: 1. you did not blink, 2. your voice is actually that deep. I'm glad you weren't faking the low voice.<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-8395840337775329802007-08-12T19:32:00.000-05:002007-08-13T23:12:52.064-05:00Dear Facebook/Friendster/Myspace...Dear Facebook/Friendster/Myspace,<br /> <br />Thank you for allowing me to make "friends". I collect them like little internet trading cards! They're so much fun and I can read their profiles! I guess having "friends" is better than not having any friends at all!<br /> <br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-64393322269104485882007-07-31T22:41:00.000-05:002007-07-31T22:49:08.032-05:00Dear Lindsay Lohan...Dear Lindsay,<br /><br />So, apparently things haven't been going your way lately. The whole cocaine, alcohol, arrest thing must be getting you down. Well, I hope this letter cheers you up!!!<br /><br />I think you did a superduper job in The Parent Trap back when you were 10 or 8 or 12 (I can't really tell how old you were, but I think it was an even number). You were very convincing and you did a great British accent. Kudos to you, Lindsay! It's a shame that you had to peak at such a young age, but I guess once you do the best remake of the best movie ever, there's only one place to go... down. So I guess that's where you are now... down. Maybe you'll get another remake, or another Tina Fey movie! Or maybe a movie where you get to play two characters! Whatever it is, stay off the coke and booze and I'm sure you'll do a great job!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-8098708333504153452007-07-30T22:36:00.000-05:002007-07-31T06:44:23.022-05:00Dear VH1...Dear VH1,<br /><br />You see, I used to think you were the boring, older person music video channel. MTV was hipper, younger, and the owner of the original reality tv show, The Real World (where people stop being polite, and start getting real). Now, you are the only music video channel (for people with basic cable). You think in all 99 channels that I get, there could be one less religious channel or home shopping program and one more music video channel. Where are you supposed to turn when you don't like the song that's on? Certainly not the news! Oh, we could probably do with one less of those as well. All 18 news channels report on the same thing at the same time. Except Anderson Cooper. He goes beyond the headlines to tell stories in-depth. I digress... I love VH1 Jump Start in the morning. I like watching two solid weeks of the same music videos over and over. I like going to school with "umbrella... ella... ella... eh... eh... eh" stuck in my head. I like being in touch with the music. What I don't understand is, what happens to all the other music videos? Who watches them? The situation used to be better for music videos when MTV still played lots of hip hop videos in the mornings. But recently they have started to show some below average reality show that I don't know. Anyway, keep playing those music videos!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-80602365270415062862007-07-29T11:37:00.000-05:002007-07-28T23:43:10.574-05:00Dear Champagne...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5TmQYo2RKLYZFkc_AM9lQSdmlpzZkMcenpG37qswM9_yAyDCRNSDeTlo0Pi6wg8WKQpah1bCndrfQd0f2XMf8LiNGdyp5TKN3k8VxzLIUHtOLTeB0fIskYwl-YaES2P7BVQ8TIyLp2R4/s1600-h/champagne_narrowweb__300x467,0.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5TmQYo2RKLYZFkc_AM9lQSdmlpzZkMcenpG37qswM9_yAyDCRNSDeTlo0Pi6wg8WKQpah1bCndrfQd0f2XMf8LiNGdyp5TKN3k8VxzLIUHtOLTeB0fIskYwl-YaES2P7BVQ8TIyLp2R4/s320/champagne_narrowweb__300x467,0.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5092474671850914354" /></a><br />Dear Champagne,<br /><br />You're so delicious and bubbly! I just got back from a wedding, and now I can't stop thinking about you. My words alone cannot do you justice, but Don Ho's can... <br /><br />Tiny bubbles in the wine,<br />make me happy, make me feel fine,<br />tiny bubbles make me warm all over<br />with a feeling that I'm gonna love you 'til the end of time.<br /><br />So here's to the golden moon,<br />and here's to the silver sea,<br />and mostly here's a toast to you and me,<br /><br />Cheers,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-22830644174280082752007-07-28T09:54:00.000-05:002007-07-28T10:06:46.621-05:00Dear Valet People...Dear Valet People,<br /><br />I was going to address the letter to Valet Men, but then I realized that just because I have never seen a Valet Woman does not preclude her existence. So I wrote to the gender-neutral Valet People instead. I guess being a Valet Person is a pretty male-dominated field, though... kinda like orthopedic surgery, pipe fitting, and men's basketball. Anyway, I just wanted to write and tell you how much fun it is to watch you guys run to go get the cars! Literally, run. There's always a string of you, running that same course... almost like a trail of ants. I think it is supercute! Some of you put a little more effort into it than others (honestly! some of you look like you're just going through the motions!), but, in general, it's a good show. I believe that you are trying to get my car as fast as your little legs can. Although, you know, you totally give away the secret places you park the cars. It kind of dilutes the mystery of the valet, but I'm learning to deal with it. Also, I think you are all excellent reverse parkers! I once backed into a pole while reversing my car into a spot, so I have a particular appreciation for this skill. Keep up the good work!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-82581073351644639982007-07-24T15:09:00.001-05:002007-07-25T04:20:09.163-05:00Dear Wireless Internet...Dear Wireless Internet,<br /><br />Thank you for setting me free! Now I can keep my laptop by my side... at the ready... on the tips of my fingers... almost. Although you have set me free from the chains of my modem, I am still held captive by the power cord and the ridiculously low battery life of laptops. But I appreciate your effort!<br /><br />Thanks!<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-56196676520703695972007-07-21T09:28:00.000-05:002007-07-21T09:54:50.025-05:00Dear Fug Girls...Dear <a href="http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/">Fug Girls</a>,<br /><br />I cannot believe I have put off writing your letter for this long. I have been overwhelmed by my feelings, and subsequently avoided articulating them. But I have so much to say! I think a list would be easier for me...<br /><br />Things I love about your site...<br /><br />1. this post about <a href="http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2006/05/_oompaloompa_do.html">Jessica Simpson</a><br />2. your love/hate relationships with Lindsey Lohan and the Peldons<br />3. Intern George<br />4. your dedication to the demise of leggings, tiny vests, and too-skinniness<br />5. Intern George<br />6. Celebrity Terror Watch (with the easy to understand color-coded scale)<br /><br /><br />Things I don't love about your site...<br />nothing!<br /><br />Could you hook me up with an intern also? Preferably one named Brad? Thanks a bunch!!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-65520218091701876082007-07-20T21:26:00.000-05:002007-07-20T21:52:12.265-05:00Dear The Girls Next Door...Dear The Girls Next Door,<br /><br />For reasons I cannot explain, I am unnaturally attracted to your show. I don't understand the group dynamic over there at the playboy mansion, and, honestly, I don't understand what you three do all day, but it seems like fun! I made you this picture... enjoy!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNTvvH8wZVE1rXKQYwBjAQCDFhnOEYZuUrdIqsA1oBkmi_M6CekoRUjuSE02X7KpbqxU_TGB3gLXrof2tju24M9iug8nLjlfFYFrKBIWIDRlTw4IIP5Vzp0YA2TUg2jQKDopDS3tcsFMI/s1600-h/bunniez.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNTvvH8wZVE1rXKQYwBjAQCDFhnOEYZuUrdIqsA1oBkmi_M6CekoRUjuSE02X7KpbqxU_TGB3gLXrof2tju24M9iug8nLjlfFYFrKBIWIDRlTw4IIP5Vzp0YA2TUg2jQKDopDS3tcsFMI/s400/bunniez.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089477480463008290" /></a>#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-12137463794603389862007-07-15T22:37:00.000-05:002007-07-15T22:42:56.462-05:00Dear Radar Detectors...Dear Radar Detectors,<br /><br />I haven't really thought about you since the mid 90s, but we were recently reacquainted. I was expecting you to do fancy things like long-distance taser cops who might be checking your speed... or assume control of the car and initiate a high-speed chase. But, like your name implies, you detect radars. That's pretty good too!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 Fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-81934664749672358112007-07-13T17:17:00.000-05:002007-07-13T17:22:36.389-05:00Dear bread bowls...Dear bread bowls,<br /><br />I wanted to honor you as the final member of the holy trinity of edible containers. It's not easy to hold hot soup, but you do it well! And I don't even need crackers on the side because I can scoop some bread into each bite. Nutricious AND delicious.. keep up the good work!<br /><br />Sincerely<br />Your #1 Fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-70555656754492150212007-07-12T18:09:00.000-05:002007-07-12T18:11:50.013-05:00Dear Tostitos Scoops...Dear Scoops,<br /><br />You are like the cousin to the ice cream cone. Both delicious and an efficient container! As I right this letter, I am able to enjoy guacamole and keep my fingers clean enough to type on this computer. Thanks for making this possible!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 Fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7350124585709957984.post-85368414894234630532007-07-11T18:51:00.000-05:002007-07-11T18:56:37.167-05:00Dear Ice cream cones...Dear Ice cream cones,<br /><br />I think it is super duper that you are an edible container! (and you are delicious) Although we've had our issues when you sometimes choose to drip out the bottom, in general, I think that society should use you as a model for waste reduction. You're very efficient and children love you. Anyways, keep up the good work!<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Your #1 fan#1 Fan!http://www.blogger.com/profile/10216657303962427811noreply@blogger.com1